sunrises…
…they do signal the start
of a fresh new day,
a new beginning,
a new hope.

that is, if you’re not
penultimately jaded like me.

see, the harsh glare of the early
morning sun brings
not gladness, but desperation.
not hope, but sheer and
unadulterated dread.

because you see,
at least the night
cloaks my tears and
offers me solace
in my melancholy.

at least the darkness
comforts me, telling me
that there is absolutely
no need to face anybody.

and then comes the sun,
oh the cruel scorching sun…
it threatens to expose
my sins, my fears, my shortcomings.
it sheds light upon the
harsh reality that waits for me,
day after day after day.

moreover it flashes upon me
the ironically cold truth —
that after the night
protected me from facing
that bitter truth —

— it will all come down to this.
it will mean losing you.
it will mean that it’s true
after all…

not some horrendous nightmare
that shook the core of my being.

yes, that same sunshine that brings
smiles to other people —
that same sunshine — it signals
the truth that i’ve really
lost you and you’re not coming back.

and yet i will still be here,
left behind, bitter, cold and broken.
i will still be here
praying for night to come cloak me with
its darkness once more.

so i can hide the tears
and the whimpers and the endless
heartwrenching sobs that fail to escape
my worn-out throat.

but then again, morning always comes,
oh how i wish it never does,
how i really wish it never does.

11:19 PM 1/10/2006