httpv:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=jCljFYn3zTY<\/p>\n
Transcript can be found under the cut.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
“I\u2019m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I\u2019ve been up linked and downloaded, I\u2019ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I\u2019m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!<\/p>\n
I\u2019m new wave, but I\u2019m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I\u2019m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I\u2019m interactive, I\u2019m hyperactive and from time to time I\u2019m radioactive.<\/p>\n
Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I\u2019m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I\u2019ve got no need for coke and speed. I’ve got no urge to binge and purge. I\u2019m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I\u2019m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can\u2019t shut me up. You can\u2019t dumb me down because I\u2019m tireless and I\u2019m wireless, I\u2019m an alpha male on beta-blockers.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I\u2019m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I\u2019ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.<\/p>\n
But, I\u2019m feeling, I\u2019m caring, I\u2019m healing, I\u2019m sharing– a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I\u2019m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.<\/p>\n
I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the \u201cF\u2001Eword in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore–no soft porn.<\/p>\n
I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I\u2019m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I\u2019ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a rude dude, but I\u2019m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I\u2019ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don\u2019t snooze, so I don\u2019t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I\u2019m hangin in, there ain\u2019t no doubt and I\u2019m hangin tough, over and out!”<\/p>\n
~George Carlin, comedic genius and poet extraodinaire<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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